


he called you 'baby'.

by y00ti



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Just dialogue, M/M, Shane is not too thrilled about it, and the spirit box talks back, they talk to the spirit box
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:08:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12715698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y00ti/pseuds/y00ti
Summary: The boys use a spirit box in a haunted bathroom. It has more to say than Shane would like it too.





	he called you 'baby'.

„Today we are in the – Shane, I swear to fuck, if you don’t stop laughing.”

 

„How – how do you expect me to stop laughing. Just – alright, just say _where_ we are and I want everyone who laughed to mention it in the comments. It’s _ridiculous.”_

 

„It’s not _ridiculous,_ people were shot here! Just because it’s a _haunted bathroom_ doesn’t mean --”

 

„ _Ha!_ Shot or not, Ryan, and I _do_ feel sorry for the victims but… _come on!_ What happens here, huh? Do you just… hear the sound of someone pooping only to discover there is no one in the cabins? Do the toilets flush themselves? Is the entrance to the chamber of secrets here?”

 

„Quite a nice reference for an excuse of a human being who only read five books. And, no, nothing of this sort. It’s – well, it’s the _ladies._ And in 1984 there was a shooting in this pub, _The Lover,_ which is still open now, as we’re here.”

 

„They have their own beer brand and it’s _amazing,_ by the way.”

 

„I – yeah, I have to agree. But maybe let me finish talking about the, you know – _murder.”_

 

„Right, go on.”

 

„So, this guy thought his girlfriend cheated on him. Which, turns out, wasn’t even true. Not that somebody cheating on you is an excuse to shoot up the whole pub, though – but, yeah, she was there with her friends, in this bathroom, so… He went in, started shooting, didn’t get anyone in the room, except from some small injuries, and then ran in here… Where Sandy and two of her friends were, y’know, doing what ladies do in the toilet.”

 

„Which is everything except actually using the toilet, yes.”

 

„Ladies, drag him for this ridiculous and slightly sexist, problematic remark.”

 

„Oh, yeah, I’m the douchebag now.”

 

„You’re _always_ the douchebag. Anyway – the guy, who’s name was Peter, shot all three of them. They died before the ambulance got here. The police took the shooter down and he died also, but in the hospital. Now, people have been saying they can hear whispers and giggles. You know, as if three ladies enjoying a night out were still sharing some stories here.”

 

„It sounds lovely and absolutely non-threatening. If I believed in ghosts, I’d _love_ to hang out with them. Gossip a little. ‘Sandy, this Peter of yours – seems like a very aggressive fella. But he sure is a hot shot!’ Huh? Am I right or am I right?”

 

„ _Jesus,_ Shane, shut up, will you. Stop trying to make murder funny. – Anyway, I thought we could use the spirit box and see what happens. For those who don’t know the spirit box is --”

 

„ – complete horseshit, yeah, we know, baby!”

 

„You are _especially_ annoying today. And that’s saying something, because you are always extremely annoying.”

 

„You hurt the half of a feeling I have, Ryan. Turn the stupid ghost box on and let’s listen to random noises you will later on form into sentences in your silly little believer head.”

 

„Alright. – If there’s anyone with us in this bathroom – Shane, stop fucking laughing – I want you to speak to us. Say hello. We just came here to chat a little. I know we’re not pretty girls, as far from it as we can be, but we’d love to listen to you.”

 

„...”

 

„What do you think of Ryan, Sandy? Is he better looking than Peter? Would you cheat on Peter with Ryan here?”

 

„ _Christ,_ Shane, what the fuck! --”

 

„ _..._ _cute...”_

 

„...Oh my _god._ Did you hear that? – Shane, I’m actually pretty sure I heard ‘cute’. She called me cute! Suck it.”

 

„Bullshit, I didn’t hear anything. And one word shouldn’t even count, anyway. Try again, loser. Sandy doesn’t like you.”

 

„... _well, dear… but you do.”_

 

„Um. – Did it… I swear it just said...”

 

„It sounded like gibberish to me, Ryan. We’re wasting our precious time, as usual. I’d rather have another beer.”

 

„But – it said something! And it was a woman’s voice, it sounded like a full sentence! Sandy, is that you?”

 

„Ah, come on. We might as well listen to the radio on our way to the hotel. Be the same thing.”

 

„ _Shut up, Shane!_ Will you just let me try it again? – Sandy, if that’s you, can you say my name? It’s Ryan. Can you say _Ryan?”_

 

„... _he ..._ _called you_ _‘baby’.”_

 

„Did you? --”

 

„ – Did I _what?!_ Come on, you are _not_ answering to something that doesn’t even sound like a sentence! And, no, I did _not!”_

 

„Wha--!! How can you say it doesn’t sound like words if you just answered my fucking question?!”

 

„I – this is stupid.”

 

„...”

 

„Oh my _god,_ I can’t believe you did that, Shane. When we were actually _so close_ to getting some real evidence.”

 

„Yeah, if you call _that_ evidence, then no wonder nobody treats you believers seriously.”

 

„ – Fuck you, Shane. Seriously, stop – stop recording. I’m just gonna get a drink.”

 

*

 

„-- Will you stop being mad? Come on, we can definitely include some of it in the video. It’s not wasted. Just – just stop making that fucking face. – Ryan. Stop ignoring me, I’ll just keep talking to you and you know it.”

 

„Did you turn the spirit box off just because you are a dickhead or --”

 

„ – or what?”

 

„ _Or_ because you actually heard the same thing as I did?”

 

„I – I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

„ _God,_ and you’re telling me to stop making that face while you, yourself, are being a fucking chicken. It’s unbelievable.”

 

„ A… Excuse me?”

 

„Yeah, you heard me right. A chicken. That’s what you’re being right now. I can see the dust behind you as you run away on your chiken shit legs.”

 

„ – Ryan, how many drinks did you have while I was packing up.”

 

„A few. Doesn’t matter. Fuck you.”

 

„ – Alright. Okay, listen. I’m sorry for turning it off. I’ll do my best to edit it nicely. Okay? Just stop being angry.”

 

„No. Unless you’ll admit that you heard what it said.”

 

„I wish I could, Ryan, but it didn’t say any --”

 

„Chicken.”

 

„Shut up. _Shut up._ It’s so _easy_ for you to say. So fucking _easy_ not to be the one suddenly questioned about your private thoughts.”

 

„ – So you heard it.”

 

„Maybe. I heard _something._ Probably some voices put together by coincidence that made a little bit sense for some reason. I don’t know. – Hey, what are you doing? Stop, no, _no,_ I don’t want to – God _dammit,_ it’s _ladies,_ Ryan, you can’t just barge in like that...”

 

„Sandy, please, if you’re still here – can you tell Shane he’s being a baby?”

 

„...”

 

„See? Nothing.”

 

„You’re such a dick, Shane.”

 

„... _go easy… on him… he’s stressed.”_

 

„I’m not!”

 

„ _God,_ you just answered to her. I can’t believe this actually happened. This is the happiest day of my life.”

 

„... _your turn now.”_

 

„My… my turn to _what?”_

 

„Yeah, _Ryan,_ your turn to what? Or are you a chicken, huh? A tiny baby chicken that can’t handle what he’s been giving me for hours now? See, how do you like i-- mmph!...”

 

„...”

 

„...”

 

„...”

 

„...”

 

„... _oh my… girls, we shouldn’t look.”_

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i posted this thing on tumblr about the spirit box saying that shane has a crush on ryan and people were like WRITE IT NOW. so i did. it was supposed to be a regular one-shot but the start came out as just dialogue and i kind of went with it. tumblr is shanema-damn, send me prompts there or here if anyone has any <3


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